Paleo Meaty Rice Stuffed Pumpkins

If you haven’t noticed, I haven’t been pointing out the obvious lately: I’m single. I tend to go on tirades of this fact and emphasize it more than needed. But one night, in a drunken stooper, my guy friend told me it made me look desperate. He's obviously not trying to get in my pants, but still. What the f*ck?! I admit my unattractiveness to the world wide web and he affirms those beliefs?! The asshole.  Anywho, I stopped talking about it in hopes that I would seem less in need, but that’s dumb. Other people out there are talking about their single lives. That's because the single life is funny as sh*t. Love and the dating world are such effing complicated areas that it’s bound to leap into my blog posts…every day. I’m a CrossFitter and a female. I see half naked dudes daily. Believe me, it’s always on my brain. F*cking hot dudes.

The single life is funny. It’s absolutely the best life to live, but we somehow long for something more. Whether that longing is to fall in love and start a family, to be a weird ass girl who wants the ever dreamt about picture-perfect wedding, or to just have someone to bone daily without feeling guilty about it, we all think about it. It’s been ingrained in our brain that we are suppose to be in a relationship. Look at movies, magazines, OUR PARENTS. We are taught to want to live the stereotypical meet-someone-you-love-and-put-up-with-them-for-life, life. F*cking propaganda.

Well this is my issue. I don’t really do the dating scene. I don’t like uncomfortable dates. Talking about yourself, trying to impress the other person, all while they stare at you just trying to think of what they are going to say next so there is no awkward silence. So they heard nothing you said. Then the awkward silence ensues. And thoughts begin to fill my mind...‘What time am I going to WOD tomorrow?’ or ‘I wonder if I could recreate this meal for my blog?’ or ‘I can’t wait for my Americano from Kaladi Brothers tomorrow.’ All while shaking my head acting like I was listening to him tell me about his fantasy football team ranking...or was he talking about their wins...or losses? Either way I don’t give a sh*t. F*cking dudes and sports.

Dating is also all about confidence. You lack self confidence, you will suck in the dating world. Men love confidence, but they also love sexiness. I lack that. Which leads to less confidence. Then leads to no dates. Thus the circle returns. F*cking dating. I think about going out on a date on the few occasions I’ve been asked, then I worry. I get to thinking about my skin, worrying he’ll be staring at my childish acne while I talk about CrossFit babble. Or think about my thighs rubbing together as I walk to the bathroom. Or think to myself that he’s probably looking at how huge my shoulders look in this shirt that is meant for a girl, not a CrossFitter. F*cking thoughts.

Then once I stop worrying about my own bullsh*t, I worry about his. The guy says he loves the outdoors: hiking, biking, camping…he’s out. He chews with his mouth open…he’s out. He brags about his CF Benchmark times and his PRs…he’s out. He’s wearing designer jeans…TOTALLY OUT. Check, check, check and check. Then I’m wondering why I’m even out on a date when I could be watching Cupcake Wars, in my pajamas, on my couch with Laura. Oh that’s right, because Laura won’t be single for long and then I’ve somehow become the cat lady. Minus the cats. I hate cats. F*cking cats.

So I come to a conclusion to this incessant, somewhat annoying jabber. Being in a relationship kinda blows, but dating probably blows even bigger balls. That’s why I don’t do it. Where am I supposed to meet someone anyways? At my fantastic age of 23, I could either meet someone out at a bar at night…..or…..meet someone out at a bar at happy hour….or….meet someone out at a bar during lunch. The possibilities are truly endless I tell you. Oh jesus, I can hear you now, ‘the guys you meet at a bar are not the ones you want to be dating.’ Thanks mom. I wasn’t aware of that. I was really thinking about asking out the guy who was staring at my chest while spilling his drink on my shoes. Reaaaaal winner. For now I think I’ll stick with cooking. At least I’m decent at that. But my blogs really would be more interesting if I went on more dates. F*cking blogging.

What you need:

• 3 small pumpkin pie pumpkins
• 1 head cauliflower, chopped into florets
• 1 bundle of spinach, stems removed
• 1lb ground beef 
• 1 cup chicken or beef broth
• 1/2 yellow onion, diced
• 1 egg, whisked
• 1 garlic clove, minced
• 2 tablespoons herbes de provence
• 1 tablespoon garlic powder
• 1 teaspoon thyme
• 1 teaspoon parsley
• salt and pepper, to taste
• 1-2 tablespoons fat (I used olive oil)

What you do:

1. Preheat your oven to 425 degrees.
2. Cut the tops off your pumpkin. Remove the seeds. Put the seeds in the bowl to save for later!!
3. Pull out a large baking dish. You may need 2. Pour in about 1/2-1 inch of water in the baking dish then set the pumpkin in the dish, cut-side down in the water.
4. Bake pumpkins for 15-20 minutes or until they are soft when you poke them, but not falling apart.
5. While the pumpkins are cooking, pull out your handy dandy food processor with the shredding attachment.
6. Shred your chopped cauliflower in the food processor.
7. Now heat a large skillet or pot over medium-high heat. Add your choice of fat then add your garlic. 
8. Once your garlic becomes fragrant, add your chopped onions. 
9. When your onions become translucent, add your ground beef, cauliflower, and broth.
10. Let cook for about 3-5 minutes until beef is almost cooked through and broth has cooked off a bit, then add your spices. Mix to combine. 
11. Now add your spinach, cover and let cook for about 2 minutes.
12. While the spinach is cooking down, pull your pumpkins out of the oven. Remove pumpkins from water and pour water out into the sink. Be careful please. This water is boiling. Don't be stupid. Place pumpkins back into your baking dish upright.
13. When your spinach has cooked down, remove from heat and add your whisked egg. Mix together.
14. Once your pumpkin has cooled just a bit, use a large spoon or ladle to spoon your cauliflower/beef/spinach mixture into your pumpkins. Fill pumpkins as needed.
15. Put pumpkins back into the oven for 8-10 minutes or until the top of the pumpkins are slightly browned.
16. Remove and let cool just a bit. Then consume!

you see that weird looking knife. best knife ever. ceramic knives. invest.