Sweet Chili Lime Shrimp and Chicken Lettuce Wraps

Ok, honesty time. I didn't even eat this meal as it's suppose to be consumed. I hate lettuce wraps. They piss me the hell off. They are so messy. They spill everywhere, the juices go all over your hands, and you get stuff rubbed into the pores on your face. I already have acne. I don't need more thank you very much. Whoever orders lettuce wraps on a first date is an idiot. But most people who eat paleo like the idea of our food wrapped in something. Most of us ate sandwiches and wraps prior to paleo so wrapping our meat in something is like a safety blanket for us. Wow, bold statement Juli, bold. Anyways, I set my food picture up in wrap format, then just ate the protein. Yeah, I nibbled a bit on the lettuce but then the juices started making a mess so I ended up throwing the plate at the wall. Ok, that's a lie. I don't have energy at night to throw things. I barely have energy to shower.

 

Last note for today, I think someone is stalking me. Or f*cking with me. Let's go down the list of what has happened in the past week.
1. I woke up at 4:30am last Tuesday to an already made pot of coffee. Who made it? Who?!
2. My car was broken into (or I left a door unlocked which is quite possible since I have no brain) and my workout bag was taken. Lifting shoes gone, lucky jump rope gone, rad shades gone, and a smelly ass shaker bottle, GONE! Who did it? Who?
3. I woke up this morning pouring sweat because my heater was on and fan was turned off. What the sh*t is that? WHO DID THIS?

 

Ok, general consesus in my household is it was probably me for #1 and #3. I'm thinking i'm sleep walking. I literally dream about my morning coffee so I must turn it on in a deep slumber so I have something to smile about when I'm waking up at 4:30am. Think that's possible? I'm really hoping i'm not eating in my sleep. I already have a fupa to deal with at the moment, I don't want to have to start locking up the pantry and fridge. That would just be embarrassing. TLC- Hoarding- embarrassing style. But this rant has gone on far too long. The point is, if you know who my stalker is who is helping me out by making me coffee but hurting me by stealing my shoes and turning my bedroom temperature to 95 degrees, would you kindly tell them I hate them. This was a stupid story.

 

What you need:

• 1 lb shrimp, peeled
• 1/3 lb chicken breast tenders
• 1 head romaine lettuce or butter lettuce
• 1-2 tablespoons siracha
• 2 tablespoons honey (optional, but why the hell wouldn't you)
• 2 limes, juiced
• 1/2 lemon, juiced
• 1 teaspoon lime zest
• 1 teaspoon ground red pepper
• 1/2 teaspoon paprika
• 1/2 teaspoon garlic powder
• 1/2 teaspoon onion powder
• 1/4 teaspoon mustard powder
• salt and pepper, to taste
• 1 tablespoon fat of choice, I used EVOO (stop hating Rachel Ray for inventing that. I. Love. Her)

Ok, I made this sauce and thought it was delicious. Did it really go along with all the flavors? No. Were the blackberries on sale? Yes. So does this sauce make sense? Not really. So just suck it easy.

• 1 container blackberries
• 1/4 cup apple cider vinegar
• 1/8 teaspoon salt
• 1/4 teaspoon rosemary
• 1 tablespoon honey

What you do:

1. Add your fat to a large skillet over medium-high heat. Once it is nice and hot, add your chicken. Add the seasonings directly on top of the chicken.
2. Once the chicken begins to become white on the sides, flip it and add the shrimp.
3. Add the siracha, honey, lemon and lime juice, and zest directly on top of the shrimp and chicken along with an extra splash of seasonings on top.
4. Mix all the flavors around with a large wooden spoon to help the shrimp cook on all sides and let the chicken finish cooking through. If you don't use a wooden spoon, it will all turn out wrong. KIDDING. Sh*t, fooled you. I used a plastic one.
5. If you are brave and want the blackberry sauce, which you should, pull out a small saucepan, add your blackerries, vinegar, spices, and honey to it and let it cook down under low-medium heat.
6. Once your blackberries have broken up a bit and the sugars are starting to carmelize a bit, you are ready to serve that biotch.
7. Rinse off some lettuce leaves, unless you enjoy dirt, add your shrimp and chicken to a piece and top with the blackberry sauce.

I just suck at photography. Let's face it.

Thoughts about things:

• I ate this cold the next day mixed with the blackberry sauce...even better than the night before.
• I think mango on top would be even better with this dish.
• Carmelized onions would make an amazing topping. I didn't do that though. I was starving and just wanted food quickly. Ate a half bag of walnuts because of this. My friend Stef told me a lil secret about carmelizing onions with a sprinkle of sugar. She's naughty. I appreciate her more for this reason.