My Try at Sonoma Chicken Salad

What the sh*t Juli? Where the hell are your posts? What are you even doing with your life if you're not blogging?! Ok, I'm done talking about myself in the third person. It makes me uncomfortable. But I do need to apologize for not blog updating lately. As you can see from my last post, I've been a bit emotional SO in turn, my recipes have sucked ass. Emotional cooking either ends up tasting like crap or....cookies. I (mostly) stayed away from cookies. Shocker, I know. But I did try my best at beef spare ribs on the grill. Fail. Date stuffed burgers with green chile sauce. Fail. And then a peach and blueberry cobbler for a bbq....I thought it was good, but a non-paleo eater told me it was dry. So fail again.

Anyways, I am here to share my non failure of a recipe. It comes in the form of chicken salad. Have you ever had any of the chicken salads from Whole Foods. HOLY SH*T. Dear lord they are good. But let's review something....they cost around $11.99/lb. What the f*ck is that? Once I read that, I swore off chicken salads from there. That's a lie, I'll probably still eat it sometimes. But they often are filled with soybean oil or canola oil, both of which I try to stay away from. So I decided to make my own sonoma salad with homemade mayo and utilized a bunch of random crap that filled my fridge.

What you need:

• 1.5-2 lbs cooked chicken*
• 1 large carrot, diced
• 3 stalks celery, diced
• 1 cup blueberries
• 1/8 cup green onions, thinly diced
• 1/2 cup walnut oil
• 1 egg yolk
• 1 teaspoon dijon mustard
• 2 teaspoons poppy seeds
• salt and pepper, to taste

*I used chicken things because they are super cheap, especially when on sale! I just cut off the excess fat. Cook your chicken however you'd like! I boiled mine, it cooks quicker that way and I don't have to light the grill or worry about it not cooking all the way through.

What you do:

1. Cook up your chicken however you'd like. I threw all mine in a large pot and boiled it for about 15-20 minutes.
2. While your chicken cooks, start your mayo. This will take the longest so BE PATIENT. And when I say patient, I mean flipping patient. This is not a CrossFit wod. It is not mayo for time. Grab your smallest bowl of your food processor (or whatever size you have, I only have large), turn it on and add your egg yolk and dijon mustard to it. Let combine.
3. Now for the patience practice. While the food processor is running, you will begin to add your walnut oil to the food processor VERY SLOWLY. That means adding a couple drips at a time and letting it SLOWLY combine. It will begin to thicken but it takes quite a while. Add a few drops, then wait a minute or so, then add another couple drops. Once it begins to thicken, you can add a bit more of the walnut oil every time. If you're not patient, this won't work for you and you'll come bitching to me. But seriously, patience is a virtue. Or something like that.
4. Once your chicken is done, dice is up into little 1 inch cubes and dice up all your veggies as well. Add to a large bowl
5. When your mayo is thick and pretty, add it to your chicken salad. 
6. Top the salad off with salt and pepper and poppy seeds of course!!
7. Store in the fridge. This is even better the second day!

Stop judging my sh*tty photography skills. It was 11pm. Ass. 

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Grocery List Helper:

• Chicken Breast: On sale at Sunflower Market for $1.99/lb
• Walnut Oil: Same price at King Soopers or Whole Foods
• Poppy Seeds: Ok listen up, I bought mine at Whole Foods for $4.99 BUT Savory Spice Shop in Denver has it for $2.99. Absolutely amazing place. Don't worry, I'll be blogging about it soon.